theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
