if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
