she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
