oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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