life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
