Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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