dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my poor anus
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
