I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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