It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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