Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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