I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
