i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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