So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
