Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
