Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
