hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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