The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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