I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
