I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
