I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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