It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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