my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
