based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
