is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
