Already got asked if we're dating
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
