I wish my penis had an off switch
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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