New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
