You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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