there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
