what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
