I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek