you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts