There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
