I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
