OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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