If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
