Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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