Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
