I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
