I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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