they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize