yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
