I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My feet surprised me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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