Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
