:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
