is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
