We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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