A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
