At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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