i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk is not a location!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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