when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
