Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
