im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
