There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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