we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
