Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
