Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
