my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize