He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How does one acquire holy water?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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