I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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