we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
