I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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