Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
